Shared interests include the sea	Co-chairmen of the 1996 Marbella Film Festival. The mascot is the "projector" on right.
Mira al océano Melanie proves herself a good sport as she doesn't hesitate to go out in the open sea on an overfull rubber raft. The picture comes from Mel's first trip to Spain in July, 1995. I think that's Chico to the right of Me

MELANIE'S VULNERABILITY

Were you worried about Melanie's personal problems, including her battle with alcohol, when you began seeing her? --
Antonio: "She told me about her problems and how hard it was for her to live a clean and healthy life. But I also understood how determined she was not to start drinking again and I'm giving her lots of support. Melanie started in the movie business when she was a teenager and she's never lived a normal life. It has been difficult for her to build the kind of self-confidence and self-respect you need to stay away from certain kinds of vices. It is not easy to point a finger and blame someone. You have to understand their pain.

"She spent time with people who didn't realize she has a very vulnerable side to her nature. She lived an unhealthy lifestyle because she needed to deaden a lot of the pain she was feeling throughout her life. "

Has Melanie changed since you met her?
Antonio: "It can be hard to rescue yourself from bad habits, but Melanie has done that. What Melanie needs from me is to be there for her, so when she has problems she can turn to me. I hope that every day I spend with her will enable her to be more confident and have fewer fears about life. That is the greatest gift I could give her." [OK]

COMMITMENT

"I don't know if I'm going to continue with this woman for the rest of my life, or a couple of months." [EW 10/6/95 -- According to Ladies Home Journal Antonio had already asked Melanie to marry him when this quote appeared]

.So is this forever?
"I don't know. And at this point I don't care. Time will say. If it doesn't work, we'll walk away from each other and that's it."... [USA Today, Dec. 1996]

"I didn't steal anybody from anybody. This is a step that Melanie took for her life. She doesn't belong to me; she never belonged to anybody. And if someday she finds someone more interesting than me, or if our relationship is not going good or whatever, then I will have to hand over that too. I never believed in that belonging thing." [GQ]

When people hear quotes like the three above from Antonio about his and Melanie's relationship, they probably jump to the wrong conclusion. The words do not imply a lack of commitment on Antonio's part. They are instead indicative paradoxically both of Antonio's pragmatism and his superstition. Practically, Antonio realizes that the future cannot be controlled by the present. On the other hand, there is a real reluctance to use such terms as "never" and "forever" almost to the point of "knock on wood". This approach is very consistent with the man who often says he doesn't believe in absolute happiness, although he is described by others as very cheerful.

"I have a friend who says, "When things are going right, don't make a problem.'...Enjoy it, take it; Because probably tomorrow, you don't have that. EW 10/6/95

I never believe anything that is happening to me, probably because I am very insecure." [Movieline]

Along the same line, the Cinevista newsletter and Movieline both reported that although Antonio states he has never had a gay experience he wouldn't rule out the possibility of gay experiences later in his life: "I can't predict what will happen in my head in the future."

I don't know if Antonio's attitude is a product of his Andalusian background or his lean days in Madrid. But one gets the same sense of Antonio's personality from a letter he wrote to his old dramatics professor, Leo Vilar, from the dressing room of the María Guerrero, when he realized he had finally arrived as an actor (when performing Edward II in 1984). "While this is happening I am conscious that the road ahead is hard, maybe now more than ever.....Would it not be better to speak of my companions? but it is that I am crossing a moment that I don't want to end, never. But it will pass and another will arrive." [Tan Solo un Actor]

Anyway, the upshot is statements made by Antonio that to others might indicate a lack of commitment should be taken in the context of Antonio's personality that realizes that only the present moment is assured. That does not mean he doesn't plan for the future. In contrast to these statements, Antonio has also said:

"I believe that Melanie and I have the same purpose in life. Love is an accident, and I, fortunately, collided with her. The concept that we two have to construct our life is to [maintain] the dignity as much as possible. ..."

"Melanie and I are completely honest; we keep no secrets from one another. Nothing in our marriage is more important than that. I've been open and honest with her from the time I realized we were falling in love. I understood her story and accept EVERYTHING she brings with her -- including that she is a recovering alcoholic and once had a problem with cocaine. Fortunately, she's put herself together again. There's no regret or remorse in her life, and no man could ask for a better companion. I want to be by her side always." [Cosmopolitan, June, 1997]

THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

"I am one of the most romantic guys you will ever meet," says Banderas. "So I got down on my knees, the whole thing! Melanie didn't cry. Seeing me on the floor she started laughing and giggling." [Ladies Home Journal - June 1997]

Ladies Home Journal says the proposal took place in South Carolina while Melanie was shooting Lolita. Antonio took Melanie to the beach and proposed. Melanie burst into a fit of nervous giggles. "And then I cried," she says. "The sun was setting. It couldn't have been more romantic." [Ladies Home Journal - September 1997]

So how would Antonio explain this statement he made on Entertainment Tonight many months later, February 5, 1996? When asked if he and Melanie were going to tie the knot anytime soon, he said "If it comes, it will come when it's time. But we don't have a plan now." Perhaps, he would simply point out that at that time he was still married to Ana Leza, and no plans could be definite until his first marriage was dissolved.

THE WEDDING

May 14, 1996, Westminster Registry, London, England

The marriage while predicted for a long time amid rumors of prenuptial agreements and ring shopping was still unexpected, because Antonio had kept silent that his divorce to Ana Leza had gone through the month before.. Antonio had to confide to Evita's director Alan Parker his wedding plans because he had scheduled filming on that day. No actual photos of the wedding have surfaced in the media. The paparazzi, although prepared because Antonio and Melanie had been spotted the weekend before ring shopping at Garrads, got few good photos of Antonio and Melanie arriving and leaving. Antonio uncharacteristically held his arm to shield his face so as to prevent the paparazzi from getting good photos. Hence, Antonio and Melanie didn't even make People's weddings of the year" issue. While there was little footage of Antonio and Melanie, there was plenty of footage of the woman who married them, Alison Cathcart. Unable to talk to the newlyweds, the media settled on Cathcart and the mother of the bride, Tippi Hedren, from her wildlife refuge, Shambala. She was ecstatic about the wedding; said it had been planned for a year.. And she pointed out on Entertainment Tonight that Antonio and Alexander had dressed alike and Melanie and Dakota dressed alike.

Information about the ceremony says that Melanie was relaxed, Antonio a bit nervous, but he smiled like a "Cheshire cat" throughout the ceremony. [According to People] Before the service ended, 10-year-old Alexander, unexpectedly shouted, "You may now kiss the bride!" The 15 (other sources say 12) guests, including Evita producer Robert Stigwood and Griffith's daughter Dakota, applauded.

Unable to get quotes from the happy couple, People got one.from the usually unseen/unheard father of the bride, former Realtor Peter Griffith, who talked to the bride by phone from his New Mexico horse ranch. "She sounded great," said Griffith, 62, who described his new son-in-law as "down-to-earth, no big ego, no nothing."

The television entertainment media were so strapped for footage that they came up with rather creative solutions -- Antonio in a green baseball cap with the strains of the Wedding March in the background. That's the way Hard Copy showed it. In actuality, as Tania Bryer described it, the couple looked quite different and very sophisticated:

Tania: They looked incredibly glamorous. Melanie was wearing a beautiful cream-silk floor-length dress with a matching ivory jacket, plunging neckline showing off her 'assets'. Antonio looked dashing, very traditional Spanish and also Melanie had a little embroidered handkerchief which is a Spanish tradition."

There was no time for a honeymoon as Antonio was finishing up Evita. However, the pair were to have the entire summer to enjoy together in Spain -- free of film shooting schedules (since Zorro was delayed) .

No Wedding Pictures

This photo is not, of course, of Antonio's and Melanie's wedding but is of the aborted wedding in Two Much. We will have to use our imagination for the "real" thing. There are no photos of Antonio's wedding available for public view. The paparazzi did get photos of the couple arriving and leaving Westminster Registry. However, those photos made it quite clear that Antonio considered the occasion private and did not want to share it with the general public. Antonio used his coat to shield himself and to prevent the paparazzi from getting good pictures of him.

To announce the event, most of the media were forced to use old pictures. The Assassins Premiere was a popular substitute since Melanie wore white and had a tummy (but her hair was long and red). People magazine used a photo from that year's Golden Globes in which both were dressed in black

FAMILY SUPPORT

"Nobody, nobody except our families believed in" [our relationship] [USA Today]

Contrary to tabloid gossip, Antonio's mother Ana, has been nothing but gracious to Melanie and her children.

Antonio's mother Ana on Melanie after their wedding May 14th, 1996:
¡Hola!: What do you really think about the wedding?

Ana Bandera: I'm very happy that Antonio and Melanie have married. It's what they had wanted, and my husband and I are also very happy because they're going to make us grandparents once again very soon. Really we are all just delighted with the news."...

Melanie came to Spain with Antonio last summer. What did you think of her when you first met?
Ana: "I saw that she was happy, and that Antonio was happy with her. I honestly couldn't talk much with her as she doesn't speak Spanish and I don't speak English, but I could tell that she was a very approachable and pleasant person."

The June 14th, 1997 issue of Hello! reinforced this feeling of support that Ana has for her son and his wife.

Ana, is it true that Antonio and Melanie are going through a crisis?
Ana: No, those rumours are totally false. They're happier than ever. I'm Antonio's mother and I know just how he's feeling because he tells me he's perfectly happy with Melanie.

So why the rumours?
Ana: I don't know. It seems that whenever a couple's happy, there's always someone who wants to hurt them. I don't understand how such people can start rumours without even knowing those concerned

Do you think Melanie would like to have another child?
Ana: She's a fabulous mother and I think she'd love another child. Antonio's told me he'd like another daughter because he adores Stella.

Is it true that Melanie's a jealous woman?
Ana: No, that's nonsense

Is Antonio the jealous type?
Ana: No, and anyway, he's crazy about his wife and her children -- just the other day he sent me a photo and you can see how happy they are.

BEATEN THE ODDSMAKERS

No matter what happens in the future, Antonio and Melanie have beaten the oddsmakers who gave the relationship 3 months. And while they've become more discreet in public, their affection for each other is still very apparent. They have mutual respect for each other and they share the same pastimes. For example, both enjoy the beach and the sea. Antonio has co-sponsored mother-in-law Tippi Hedren's benefits for wild animals and Melanie, despite her Spanish limitations, has entered into the Marbella social life when they're home in Spain. Right now, they seem to have it all-- romance, family, two homes, and careers. May they always.

LITTLE LOVERS' SECRET

Look at the Ocean
"Look at the ocean" is inscribed in a ring given to him by Melanie and Antonio's explanation "The ocean is very important to both of us, "Beautiful, dangerous..." [GQ]; "Mira al océano" (the Spanish for the inscription) is the suggested title for the New Age CD Antonio's doing for UNICEF

ROMANCE STILL ALIVE

There's little doubt that the romance is still very much alive between Antonio and Melanie. One can tell by the way they look at each other at the few public occasions we see them at these days. It's a look that excludes the rest of the world. And there's the way Melanie drops her head on Antonio's shoulder. For more tangible proof, there's Antonio's gifts to Melanie on their first wedding anniversary: ""Every forty-five minutes, a dozen roses arrived with another line of a beautiful sonnet he'd written. And then he gave me this," [Melanie said], lifting her diamond-encrusted cross. [LHJ]

And however they spent their 37th and 40th birthdays, they were apparently together. While The Star reported that the two were in L.A. and Antonio gave Melanie a $150,000 diamond ring and Melanie gave Antonio a Picasso, the two were also spotted boarding a yacht in Campbell River, British Columbia (where Antonio was filming Eaters of the Dead) on August 9th.

SEPARATIONS

I's a bit hard to say what is the greatest threat to Antonio's and Melanie's conjugal happiness, but those people who predicted an early demise to the relationship because Melanie "suffocated" Antonio didn't know much about Antonio. {I found it a bit curious that nobody, absolutely nobody claimed that Antonio "suffocated" Melanie. Considering the fact that he was as enrapt in her as much as she in him, wasn't the one-sidedness of the accusations sexist or were all the writers either women or gay men who fancied Antonio?} Antonio likes to have his woman near and to share every aspect of his life with her. If anything, having two careers and being apart for long periods of time is the greatest danger to a strong relationship. One tends to develop separately instead of as a couple, which is what seemed to have ultimately debunked Antonio's first marriage. I get annoyed by the tabloids who cry it's because of "jealousy" when the two want to be together like any couple in love. Togetherness is usually healthy not destructive for a relationship. To maximize the time together, one of them may have to sacrifice a little of his/her career to keep the family close and secure.

Initially, Antonio and Melanie had an agreement:
-Did you and she reach any agreement about the time that you'll be spending in work and family?
-Antonio: We agreed not to work at the same time, so that we'll be able to be with the other one in the shootings and also take care of the kids. [Man]

However, Melanie's work on Reasonable Doubts in Los Angeles while Antonio was filming Zorro in Mexico, and Melanie's original commitment to shoot Jane in Toronto while Antonio is filming Eaters of the Dead" in distant British Columbia meant that there might have been considerable time apart. However, Jane's filming future is in doubt. Melanie has been seen a great deal in British Columbia the summer of 1997. Melanie has openly expressed her unhappiness at being separated because of work and wishes to work in the same city as Antonio, but projects are not always obliging. [One joint project that keeps being mentioned in the planning stages is a film called Palm Beached.] Antonio believes in his wife's talent. " I want Melanie working too. I don't want her to stop working. I think she is a gorgeous actress and she's giving a lot of things to the audiences yet." [Entertainment Tonight]. Also, Antonio recognizes the dangers of separation. "It Is hard, it is one of the big risks of this profession. that is why disaffection [break-ups] happen. Being separate is more complicated than what people believe." [Cristina] It is because he wants to have a "peaceful life" with his family that he says he won't do more than two films a year. Even so, when a film such as Zorro goes over-schedule and another one such as Eaters follows immediately, there is very little down time. His missing of the great King's Cup sailing event in Spain in August and a scheduled co-hosting with Melanie of the the Humane From Hollywood gala at the Beverly Hilton testifies to Antonio's present overworked schedule. 1996 was probably an aberration when it comes to the amount of uninterrupted time Antonio could spend with family. Because Zorro was delayed, Antonio really had nearly half a year off to play the family man in Spain.

People's 1995 Yearbook included an overview month by month accounting of the beginning of their relationship in Stop Them Before they Kiss Again .

Back to Melanie, part 1